Logged OFF...

Well I did it. I quit facebook just now. Moments ago I signed off and just quit. I kept saying that I would and I did and why do I feel nervous? I feel a bit panicked! Am I that invested in "fake life" that I think I can't live without it? That's a problem. That's why I quit. I am breathing deeply. I will be okay. But how  will I know what the people I knew in high school 14 years ago are doing with their pets on Thursday night? Why would anyone care? There again is the problem. I find myself interested in fake life about people that I have a fake relationship based on posts that make me believe that I care. In reality, I don't. I have been so angry at ignorant people lately over opinions that they hide behind on facebook that I get angry. Really angry. I want to scream at them. I can't of course because my status updates are on a screen. Ridiculous.
I have found myself in a great deal of self reflection over the past five days, since August 1st. I hate August in general, but I really have August 1st. The first of August means that you are actually in the month when school will start. If school starts this month then summer for a teacher is officially over. The doors open back up. You have to go back and sweat like a dog moving heavy furniture that the cleaning crew wrecked over the break. You have to put up bulletin boards, arrange desks, try to remember what worked and didn't work from the year before.  I hate August. For me this also means that the sweet little baby at home (yes I know she's a 19 month old toddler, but she's still a baby...) has to go back to daycare. I really hate August. I have already cried over this -- the night of August 1st when I bravely opened my work e-mail that I have refused to open all summer. The dates came rolling in - teacher work days, meet the teacher night, and Madison's report back day.
I just kept thinking - how am I here? Why do I have to send her back? I am going to miss her so much. I still can't fathom the idea that I send my child away to someone else for 8 hours a day, while I do the same for someone else's children.
I've thought back over the summer and how I really do believe that we spent quality time together. We learned a lot from each other. We played and laughed everyday.
But there were days I wanted to do something else. I wanted adult play. I wanted other conversation. There were days that I was so tired that I sat on the couch and read "status updates" while Madison played. I won't get that time back that I wasn't present. My new goal is to always be present. Make the moments after daycare count. Swing and laugh again. Be present. Pull Madison around the yard in the wagon 75 times before dinner and know that these days are short lived. Stomp in the puddles, roll in the grass, lay in the hammock and talk to the birds. Be present. Spend my time more wisely. These days will not come again.
I have added this canvas to my bedroom and I read it everyday.

The artist is Kelly Rae Roberts.
I am so in love with her work right now.
I saw this hanging on a little wall in a boutique and my eyes filled with tears as I read it.
This is my story
"Her favorite moments were those when she let go of all expectations and worries and just simply celebrated the very moment she was living. In those precious moments, she was truly present and listening to Grace."

Isn't that wonderful?! My heart just sings...
Good bye facebook. Hello real life.
I bet I'll blog more, so check back later.
In the mean time I still e-mail (hint, hint!)