We have lived in our new house for 6 months. If you walked in the front door you may think that we just moved in. We still don't have our things on the wall. We are still figuring it all out. It is still a bit unsettled as we are finding the things from our previous house aren't as loved in the new place. I know I sound completly selfish when I don't appreciate the beautiful home that God literally answered our prayers with. I fall in and out of thanks and often let the mourning of my old home and old dreams take over the praise and thanksgiving that my new home, new job, and the kids new schools deserve. After all, that is why we ended up where we did.
So, I am home super sick this week and funny thing is that it is the first time that I have sat in this house quietly by myself since we moved in. I have been working on a little reading spot for myself that I actually haven't spent time in to read yet. Today, I did. I ended up pouring through my old journals of where we were 2 years ago, when we prayed fervently for God' s direction and guidance. It was hard but we said "yes" and trusted His plan for our family's future. How odd that I am mourning in the past. When I dig into the past I see that we knew God was leading us. All the signs pointed to yes and we knew we were making the right choice. That is Satan creeping into to place doubt and sadness where confidence and happiness should reside. We have been molded and refined in the past 2 years and are turning this beautful house into a home. That is no small feat.
"Sometimes our lives have to be completely shake up, changed, and rearranged to relocate us to the place that we are meant to be." -Toby Mac
I ended up in that reading chair for hours and read old journals and added to my current one. I read my devotional that was more than perfect for the day. "Do not let the fear of mistakes immoblize you or make you anxious. In this life you will err sometimes because you are only human with limited knowledge and understanding.When you're facing a a major decision, seek My face- and My help. I will guide you with my counsel as you think things out in my presence. When the time is right, go ahead and make the decison, even though the outcome is uncertain. Pray for my will to be done in this matter, and release the results to me." What a glorious reminder that we did that, no question. A huge reminder today that we are on a path that God opened up for us. I may no longer mourn what was left behind because that shows a distrust in God'd plan for us, a plan that I believe is good.
Then this beautful gift was given to me this afternoon as I am back in this chair, sick, waiting for the school bus to drop off. I get to see a glimpse into my children's after school play in this home and I am slapped with thankfulness. Previous to this move, my children have always been at school with me. Last year they went to an after school program. This year, my husband works from home and gets the kids to and from school. I miss the immediate moments right after school. How their day was, what they did, what they want for snack, what they want to do to unwind. All of that is already done when I get home from work and noone really cares to repeat it for me and that is okay. But today, I was here. Today the kids wanted to play in the front yard and decompress in the warm sunshine, tie ropes to tress, and break sticks. They then came in to play a made up guess the dice game and lounge, feet up. It was a glimpse of how far we've come since the apartment last year. It was a glimpse of how these kids have made this house their home, even with boxes still unpacked and bare walls. It was a glimpse of happiness.
So this evening, I am thankful once again for God's promises for our lives. For undeserved blessings that have been lavished upon us. For a home that we live in and share our lives in. I am not naive enough to think that time will ever slow down, but I hope I am smart enough to gaze longer into this phase of childhood and where God has planted us at this time for His purpose. May I continue to look forward to what lies before us and no longer back to what we left behind. I am not going to stress about how things will work out for us. I will stop overthinking. It is time to move forward and trust the transition. It is so very clear that God's got this under control.
