Happy Magic

Joy. This is a word I am concentrating on this week. Joy. Being joyful. Being careful of others and things that are joy stealers. I'm trying to find joy in the little things, the big things. Being thankful and finding joy. It sounds easy. I suppose that should be easy when you are surrounded by people and things and moments that you love, but these days it really is a job. Slowing down. Watching and enjoying the life that is in front of you. I stopped the laundry and the dishes and the bills yesterday and I sat down and watched cartoons with my kids snuggled on my lap - AND I LAUGHED. I mean laughed. Like belly laughed. My kids thought I was crazy, but that Peppa Pig is a funny cartoon! :-)

So here is my joyful memory that has kept me happy and laughing and smiling for the past few months:

Disney World. July 2016

Talk about happy. Talk about Magic.

We were supposed to be in Disney World the week of my mom's funeral. With ease and the wonderful, kind people of Disney, we rescheduled  it and went two weeks later.

Y'all if God cares about Disney or vacations or fun, then He for sure made this trip for us. I do know that God cares about us and our broken hearts and I know that if this hadn't gone well that I may had to have been picked up off the sidewalk in the middle of Magic Kingdom. However, let's talk about joy. Lets talk about happiness and let's talk about Magic. Disney World. Wow. Talk about joy and happiness. We were picked as the first family. My husband researched how we were going to make this happen. I didn't even know it existed and called him crazy more than once.  We were the people in cute Mickey shirts, unsure of the line we needed to be in, walking aimlessly when a girl asked us to follow her. There we were at the gates... First family chosen to open Disney. Except we were actually chosen second and the first family had already went in. Want to know what's better than be chosen first family? Being chosen second. They open the gates, let us in and off we went with a stack of fast passes in our hands to ride any ride with no wait. We had the entire park to ourselves for a brief moment. Jason and I just smiled at each other as to say... What just happened? It didn't matter. It was us and we were happy.

This entire trip revolved around meeting all the princesses. We were in the gates, first in line and within the first 10 minutes we met 4 princesses and the day continued like this. Madison colored each princess a picture of themselves and signed her name. Each princess trained so well, called her by name, told her they'd keep it forever, that she was their favorite and that she was sweet, kind, and special. She believed it. She beamed. They made her feel so special.

(Tiana and Belle were over the top good at their job!)

Also, let's mention that the park on this Sunday in July wasn't hot and wasn't crowded. I mean...
We rode seashell ride from the The Little Mermaid three times in a row. No waiting. No lines.

Look at that happy. Look at that Joy. We were parents so overwhelmed by the joy of our children and that we could provide this day for them that we too, beamed with happiness. It was a great day. Every moment felt and looked like this.

Magic, I say.

We covered all the princess spots for the oldest and the Buzz Light year for the youngest. We too did this ride three times. It was the busiest of anything else at Disney on this day, but we waited very little and fought Zurg over and over. Serious business right here.

I know you can only look at other's vacation pictures for so long so I'll stop because I do indeed have 200 more. We met every character that was there to meet. We rode every ride as many times as we wanted. We had workers walk up to us and give us free desert because they wanted to. I kept feeling like maybe we were on hidden camera and someone was watching to make sure we had the best day ever. We did. We laughed all day. We ran all day. We were the first there to open the park and the last to leave when the park closed. We were there for one day, a total of 15 hours. We did it all and then we did it all again with ease. Our five year old and our three year old never complained. Not once. True story. That's amazing in itself. Then after 15 hours the oldest, our sweet, kind hearted girl, started bawling. Bawling. Why?! Because it was the best day of her life and she didn't want to leave. I agree. The single most joyful, fun day we have experienced this far as a family of four. We did it. I wasn't sure I even wanted to go by the time it came for us to go. I am so thankful we did and have so much gratitude that my husband did all of this and planned all of this without me as I was with my mom this summer. We still sit around and talk about the amazingness of this day. Our kids are joyful in the memory. Real joy.

Then the next day we went to Animal kingdom. Samuel slept a lot at that park and then we headed home the next day. It was great too. Really, it was.

This family picture is my new favorite. If you know me,  then you know I love a silly picture. Kids making silly faces makes me laugh. Come on, this picture is the new one framed in my house.

Happy.Joy. Magic. Memories.

Thankful. Always give thanks.

The First of Many...

Madison started kindergarten this week. In a heart to heart with my mom one day in late June, my mom and I cried together as she told me how much she was going to miss Madison and Samuel. She wanted so badly to see Madison start kindergarten and listen to her excitement as she told Nana about her day. Madison started kindergarten this week and my mom has already passed away. It has dawned on me, although I already knew, it just hit me like a ton of bricks that this is the first of many that my mom wanted to be here for, that we need her here for, that she will miss. We will all miss out a little in life from here on out because we can't share it with her.
I don't think life is funny, I know that life definitely isn't fair, but when you lose your mom, of all people at 36, life and how you do it changes. It has to. My children are 5 and 3 and they just lost their Nana. I'm their mom, which makes life continue on because it has to, but mourning my mother's death, comes in waves, in different moments, on different days. This was today's realization. My mom wanted to be here for this day and she's not. So then what?

We move forward. My house decides to talk about Nana every day. We talk about heaven every day. We talk about talking to Nana in our hearts and her being our angel every day. Nana is still apart of our daily prayers and I'm not sure if the time will come to change that. I have learned so much about life from my mom. I have learned even more about loving people and in being in deep relationship with God over the last 21 months. I have learned my greatest lessons in the month of July. That was the month my mom passed away. My husband and I decided that we would have no regrets in the end so I spent many hours on the road. More importantly, I spent extra hours in the presence of my mom who was so intentional to give me my final life lessons from her in her last days. Gosh. We talked, we cried. We cried, I listened. She had so much she wanted to say and I hope that my heart and mind will always remember the small details that if I close my eyes I can see. I can hear her words. I can feel that she knew her words as my mom were more important in those moments than ever before. She was guiding me, she was mentoring me, she was filling me with the comfort and peace that I need now more than ever. I have this notion that people absolutely can change the world. Young or old, rich or poor, we all possess a quality that the world needs if we love big enough to share it. The people that came to my mom's memorial proved one thing- that my mom changed the world of the people who loved her. She changed her world by simply loving Jesus and loving others. 

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 Cancer out of the blue in October of 2014. It was in her colon and then had spread to her ovaries. They were krukenberg tumors, which are rare and by the time it was discovered the tumors on her ovaries were the size of grapefruits and surgery was not an option. So for the next 21 months our mom was fighting cancer, beating cancer, cancer growing, losing hair, and getting weaker. My mom never complained. Not once that I can remember. She was the favorite in the chemo room, encouraging others, lifting others up. They loved to see Nancy walk through the doors. When people would ask about her, she'd say,  "Well let's talk about you. How are are you?" This is a woman who lived life well. From the very beginning she said cancer was a "win, win." My gosh, what? But she meant it. If she beats it, it's a win. If she loses this battle, it's a win because she is going to be at the feet of Jesus, the only placed she ever wished to be. She lived her whole life for her last moments when she would leave this earth and meet her maker. 

It was in those last moments that I has given, I was chosen to witness maybe the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed and the most amazing experience that my heart will surely ever have. My life was completely changed witnessing the last two minutes of my sweet, precious mother's life. 

I have never experienced death the way I did with my mom. I have known people who have died, but in this case, I witnessed death. The human body is absolutely amazing and heartbreaking to see what it can endure in the end and how long it can hold on when it has nothing left to give. 

The Saturday night my mom passed away, was calm and quiet and peaceful. The sunset was full of beautiful colors that shone right into her windows of her hospice room. She was weak, no longer able to speak, drink, to move. She made some sounds but nothing that any of us could quite figure out. In the quiet of the evening  my sister and I sat on either side of the bed, each taking a side and a hand of our mother. In an instant unknown to us, my mom took both hands, covered her eyes from the light and when we asked what was happening we heard her whisper, "bright." In that moment she threw both hands up to heaven and in an audible, very clear voice says, "I LOVE YOU LORD!" Her hands leave the air and land on top of her head, placing her crown so intentionally that there could be no doubt of what we were chosen to witness. She grabbed her clothes and pulled and smoothed her garments of white. My mom had no hair left so this last moment took us a second to realize that as she moved her hand behind her ear over and over again, she was stroking her hair and in that moment she was the bride and she was ready for the bridegroom. My sister went close to her and told her how beautiful she looked, for she could literally see her glow. That was the last gift my mom gave to me. That was the last lesson she taught me. That was the last time I'd ever see my mom. 

Here we are with this story. This amazing story. This story that has changed my life. I want to live a life so big for God that in the end I may show my children the literal love of God as I pass from this earth. The story is true, the bible is true. The bible is why we knew and could understand what was happening literally right in front of our eyes. God is the author of our life stories. I can not understand why this had to be my mom's story or why this is now my story without her, but no doubt every move I make from here on out I want to do intentionally with the promise that heaven is real. That earth is not my permanent residency. I am now loving others more intentionally and loving God bigger. I am more intentional with the time I spend in His word grabbing on to his promise for me and for my family. 

I'm moving forward in what I do know, the truth of the gospel and the cross and I'm seeking God in the midst of the sadness and loss. I'm asking God that my heart may be restored. I'm grabbing a hold of God because he never breaks his promises. My hope is in the Lord. 

I love you mom. I miss you everyday.

Pre- K to Kindergarten

Well, well... I've lost an entire year it seems, although it was the most fabulous year yet with this sweet little Miss. I was a public school teacher for 10 years then I came home to be a mom. The best of both world's collided when I had the opportunity to be my daughter's pre-k teacher. It was a year that I could not have scripted better if I tried. She learned so much, I learned so much and together we learned so much about each other. I saw the fruit of my labor as she would come home and show her family all the exciting things that she had learned in school. I drove her every day, we prayed on the way to school every day, just like my mom did with me every school day when I was young. We walked into school together, spent our days together, left together, came home together and honestly, we never had a hiccup along the way as far as the mom role/teacher role collided. It was amazing. It was lovely. It was perfect and now I am wondering where on earth that year went? It's all still a bit of a blur. School was just our daily routine. We did it three days a week at our church preschool. We did it for a year and now that it is over, I wonder if I soaked it all in.

I mean, I loved the days. Every day. But did I love it intentionally? I miss it. I miss it already!

I watched her learn sight words and to spell phonetically, which made my heart jump for joy. She loved her classmates. She loved being the line leader, prayer leader, snack helper. When it was her 5th birthday she dressed so fancy to "celebrate" at school with her friends. I witnessed it all. I learned so much and know with all confidence that she's ready for kindergarten.

Ahhhh, kindergarten. The big ole kindergarten at the big ole school down that big ole hallway! She's ready and that helps me be a little more ready too. Maybe. I guess. I don't know.

But either way she's leaving for forever school in three days. THREE DAYS, y'all. I came to stay home to be her mom three years ago and just like that, it's now her turn to go. Lord please watch over her all of her days. We can do this!

There is very little in this world that I loved like kindergarten. I LOVED being a kindergarten teacher. Really, I did. I love when past students and their parents come back years later and tell me how much they still remember and love their kindergarten year. How it was their best year. I was purposeful in loving their children.

Kindergarten is magical. I mean really, all that they learn socially, emotionally are great, but the little sponge that is a five year old brain, is amazing to watch academically in kindergarten. Kids that come not even knowing how to write their name and leave reading books? I mean that is magical. People who are made to teach kindergarten really are people who can do anything. These are the people who can change the world!

So, here's a transition sentence for you: We went to "Meet the Teacher" at our neighborhood Elementary school last night. We went and met our oldest child, our baby girl, our daughter's kindergarten teacher!

              AND SHE LOVED IT!

NO doubt she was going to. She loves people and loves to play and the classroom was full of people to play with. She meet her teacher, she unpacked her supplies, she looked around and then she found kids to play with in the kitchen center and spent the rest of her time right there, with those kids.

Her teacher asked her if she was nervous and she answered, "NO! I'm excited!" and that was that.

Here's the kicker. I don't know this lady. She's new to the district and new to the school and I'm handing off my daughter to her for the next 10 months!!

So, this is my plea to the lovely, yes lovely, Mrs. FreeLove...

(Let's talk about how much we love this name. Freelove. Free and Love.  Love and Free. We've already told Madison that her teacher gives her love freely to her every day. It's just her. Free - Love. Love for free. Mrs. Freelove. Plus she can spell love, so the excitement when she figured out that she could already spell her teacher's name was just plain ole fun!)

Hello Dear, Sweet,  Precious Mrs. Freelove,

We hope that you have the BEST FIRST DAY EVER! We know that teaching kindergarten is so hard and so special all at the same time. We are so grateful that you have given your life to this profession and have committed yourself to this kindergarten class for the 2016-2017 school year. I am Madison's mom. I promise you that in your presence I will be lovely. However, for the first few weeks I may ugly cry in my car! Just kidding - or maybe serious, we'll shall see after Monday. I only have one request for this school year, please. I want you to fully live out and embrace your name every day as you love on my child. Give her love for free and love her freely, please. I know from experience that everything else in kindergarten will work itself out when that happens. I have hoped and prayed every day since she was born that she would LOVE kindergarten and that she would LOVE her kindergarten teacher. I know that prayer will be answered through you, because I know that it is no accident that she has ended up in your class. It is no accident that you were chosen to be her teacher. God placed her name in your stack of papers on purpose and therefore, I am committed to pray for you each and everyday as you have taken on the task to educate kids that will one day change the world. My kid will. Thank you for teaching her, but most of all thank you for already deciding to love her.

So... Here's to you Mrs. Freelove!! Here's to the BEST YEAR YET!

We are so very grateful for you already. See you Monday.  

Love, The Vaughan Family

1,040 Eggs

Whew. Four days of Easter. Four eggs hunts down. When Nana asked Madison how many eggs she think she may have collected, her answer right away was, "a thousand forty!" She was pretty close ...
I love Easter. The tomb is empty! Jesus is alive indeed.
I love that this is the truth that surrounds our family for this holiday. There's no hoopla. There' no wasted money or pressure to buy gifts. It fun. It's easy. It's spent hunting eggs with kids at preschool. It's spent at church for Good Friday. It's spent hunting eggs with friends at church and then it's spent Sunday morning lifting our hands in worship to God and standing in His promise of truth: The Tomb is Empty.
"By Your spirit I will rise
From the ashes of defeat
The resurrected king
Is resurrecting me
In You name I come alive
To declare Your victory
The resurrected king
Is resurrected me."
-Lyrics by Elevation Worship

Gosh -- have you heard that song? Have you sung it out loud? Have you heard these words and known this truth? When you have been changed from the inside out, when you know without a shadow of a doubt that you've been resurrected and are loved... Whew. That's big.  You know what? The tomb is empty. Let's most definitely celebrate this. Happy, Happy Easter indeed.

Today, I am Thankful

"There may be armies standing against you, but in the end they will become an unwitting witness to the overcoming power of God and the overriding ocean of His grace."

-Priscilla Shrier, #ferVent

 

 

Gosh, I am tired. I am physically drained, emotional exhausted, and just flat out plain tired. Life got me. It got me good. But as in most cases life doesn't give you permission to quit. It gives you opportunities to grow, to learn, to accept, and to lean on others in your weakness. This last week I sent this quote to many people that know and believe without a shadow of a doubt that our God is big and definitely big enough:
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Priscilla Shirer's blog that I read today said, "Lord, surround me with people who feel called to cover ME with their prayers like Zechariah."

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Our family needed prayer. We needed people to stand in the gap with us and proclaim that Satan can not and will not have a footing in our family. I listed out four specific things with the results being nothing short of God's divine hand guiding our family right through these situations.

 

*We prayed for Madison's scoliosis screening and prayed that they would be wrong. The x-ray on her spine showed her to be perfectly straight. Period. End of story.

*We prayed for her eyes and her vision in her right eye- for the first time in over a year they saw a "small doppler" move / change for improvement.

*We prayed for Madison to be accepted in the "right" school as a transfer. The YES came one week later.

*We prayed that my mom's new chemo via case study would be approved and they called yesterday, she started today.

 

I am so thankful to people to committed to stand with us. People who prayed to God knowing his unmeasurable love for our family. People who have stood with us for us years or just now even days, praying and believing, knowing that we are perfectly placed in Gods hands, in His timing and that only He can see us through all of this. We know that is God's way: putting extraordinary tasks on the plates or ordinary people so that ordinary people can see what an extraordinary God can do through them.

 

So, tonight I go to bed thankful. My heart is so full.

 

 



"When we put our problems is God's hands,

He puts peace in our hearts."

 

Today, I am Thankful.

 



*I am thankful for my precious family.

 

I have two super fun, super sweet, super smart and super loving children. My husbands works hard and extra doing side jobs so that we can stay home with each other. He reads the bible to our kids and prays with them and for them everyday. We are content just all being together and that's fantastic.

*I am so thankful for the kids grandparents.

Jason and I are so very blessed by wonderful, loving parents, which has given us both fantastic in-laws that love each of us as their own. They all adore our children and our children know they are loved so BIG!

*I am thankful for this precious, precious friend

 

 

Cheryl knows it all, hears it all, and continues to love me anyway. She's such a wonderful example of God's love and grace and she extends that to me each and every day. Pretty sure our husbands cant figure out how we spend our days together and still find reasons to talk and text each night! I love doing LIFE with her and am so thankful she is part of all the Vaughan's life.
Oh ... have I mentioned she is also Madison's pre-k teacher!!
Goodness, talk about a heart full of JOY!


*I am thankful for Pastor Dave and the people of Gracepointe Church

 

Gracepointe church lives out it's mission statement every day, every week, every month just within our own family, so I know it's reaching so many more every day. It really is a place where lives are transformed by grace, where they walk by faith, they are reaching out in love and people are transformed ... every day. God has transformed my life from the inside out and it's really incredible to be part of a church that knows and believes that. Plus, my children and I are surrounded by the people of Gracepointe, four days a week and that is a good use of our days! I see my kids run to Pastor Dave and just about knock him over as they hug and love on him, he returns the excitement and we all know that we are loved and cared for. As long as I have been in church, I have seen the "Pastor" role almost as unapproachable like they are too big of a deal to be real. Then I see the pastors of Gracepointe teach these preschoolers chapel every week, call them by name and high five them on the playground. The kids burst into laughter, their love is returned, and they know that these pastors are approachable and real. They tell these kids that everything in the bible is true and that Jesus loves them so big. All of our hearts are filled with  joy, happiness, and friendship. Yes, I am thankful for these people. Plus, come on... Let's be honest, aren't we excited for Pastor Dave that he is so excited for "name tag Sunday," or what?? :-)

 

Thankful. Thankful. Thankful.

 

 

Cry out to Jesus

In the past two and a half years I can vividly remember the times I have cried so big that it has mattered. Not choked up, not shed tears, but the cry so big that you leave a little of your soul behind on the salt soaked fabric of your sleeves. The first one was two and a half years ago when we drove away from the hospital without our son as he had to remain in the NICU and we had to check out of the hospital. When we arrived home, there were people at our house and I just excused myself to the closet in my bedroom, laid on the floor, until I cried out the pure exhaustion and heartache onto the carpet. The second one came 15 months ago when my sweet, sweet mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer out of the blue. That lasted about a week and it always took place on my bed soaking my pillow as to not be too loud to wake the kids. Every phone call that week to my parents or my sister left me in complete heartache of what was happening. The third time happened today.The last two weeks have been high anxiety and stress and bad news and bad reports and it's all rolling in. That's actually not anything that surprises me or is usually anything I can't handle. My shoulders tend to be heavy and my hands full, but I am a problem solver and really good and handling issues for everyone. So, here we have a very expensive dog surgery, which has resulted in a very large cone that knocks our house to pieces, a broken dryer, an unanswered request to transfer my daughter to the "right" elementary school, both kids home from preschool sick, a CAT scan that shows my moms tumors growing and the chemo not working and then .... the breaking point... They think this sweet little preciousness has scoliosis. I mean come on, scoliosis.

Now given, I know that other families have it worse. I know that and believe that. However, this is still my little girl who had a traumatic emergency c-section birth.  Who had to see a cardiologist and be hooked up to wires for her heart right out of the womb. The little girl that at two had her eyes start to cross and received glasses. Then she had a double eye surgery at two and a half. She has very little vision in her right eye. We have patched for way too long, with no improvement and she just continues to roll with it all. I am ready to give her a break from life.Three days ago at her five year old well check- we were there talking about her thriving and just checking off all the boxes and the last check of the day was for her to bend over and let the doctor check her spine. Then check again. Pause. Check again. Pause. Take some notes, type some words. "What does that mean?" I ask. And so here we go. I got this. I am in charge. I AM MOM. So, today I call the scoliosis institute per the doctors referral.I explain that she is five and its my understanding this is not common and she is very young for this and that we as her parents are very anxious and experiencing anxiety and based on that I asked for them to pick the right doctor in their practice for us. She was very nice, we made the appointment and then directed me to their website to look at the doctor she recommended. I read his profile and then I continued to read. And read. And read. AND READ. All at once I left the computer, I left the room where my son was, and I fell to my knees and let it all out there on the ottoman of my son's room. I prayed, I begged, I screamed, I cried out to Jesus. Dear God, please don't let her have scoliosis. Please God, NO!. And then I just prayed.... and cried out my heartache once again into the fibers of the fabric of the furniture. We STAND FIRM that we serve a mighty God that heals and restores and performs miracles every day. This is not about me. This is about her. I have relaxed my prayers in healing her eyes after 3 months ago the patching for 6 months hadn't budged her eye sight. Today I decided no more. I will pray without ceasing for her eyes and now her spine. Pure healing of that curve in her spine. That Madison can have perfect eye sight and a straight spine in the name of Jesus!
I don't know why this is her story, or even our story, but this story is written by God and I know he has a reason and that He has perfect timing that my humanness can not begin to fathom or understand. However, as I sat in the living room this afternoon watching cartoons with both kids on my lap, I am gently reminded how blessed we all are and as I mentally make the thankful list I am overwhelmed with love and gratitude.

So today I remember to slow down, be more present, love bigger, gripe less, talk less, listen more, hug and kiss many more times after she tells me to stop, and tell her that YOU ARE AMAZING as many times as I can. Please remember that... You are amazing!  And as always, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Be happy for this moment. For this moment is your life.