July 15, 2016 is a night that I will forever hold in the
memories of my heart. This is the last night that I ever spoke to my mom. I knew that my mom was consciously continuing
to try to pour her love and wisdom into to me up until her very last second and
she indeed did just that.
Prior to this evening, around the 4th of July, my
entire family was gathered at my parents’ house and my mom and my oldest
brother and I were discussing the launch of Junior Kindergarten and all the
excitement that it caused me to bubble over with. My brother sort of jokingly
asked me if I truly believed that I was crazy enough to change the world. I
quickly, very seriously, came back with a resounding, “Yes!” I believe that
education has the power to change kids, change families, our communities and
yes, even the world. People, not even necessarily teachers, are given this
opportunity every day and if they choose wisely, their impact will truly never
be measured.
The days in 2016 were long. I had driven back and forth and
was sleeping in hospital chairs and trying so hard to hang on as long as
possible because I knew that I never wanted my heart to hold any regret once my
mom was gone. However, in all of my mom’s motherly wisdom, she told me to go
home on the evening on July 15, 2016. I basically just told her that I
couldn’t. My mom was such a good hostess. Clean sheets were her gift to her
company. She loved clean sheets and making a bed for guests. On this night, I
just knew she wanted to be alone and she told me that I needed to go sleep in
my own bed and be with my family. Reluctantly,
yet knowing I’d be back in the morning, I gathered my things. As I stood over her,
she grabbed my hand and we just stared at each other and cried. We both just
cried in the silence of her hospice room. Just her and I. I studied her face. Her eyes were still so
blue. I studied her wrinkles as the face of my mom, who could barely be found
in the shell that she was leaving behind. Finally she spoke and she said, “You
will go home to your own bed and if I should die tonight, you will have no
regrets.” I couldn’t. I just froze. I
knew she meant it. We continued to look
at each other with big tears flowing down our face shaking our heads in unison,
that we knew I was going to walk out of her room. We said I love you. I
remembering saying, “I’m just going to miss you so much.” In perfect motherly wisdom, my mom spoke her
last words to me that I would ever hear from her, “Now go out there and change
the world.” “I will,” I said and I turned and walked away.
I called my sister right away as we both knew that this was
it. We returned the next morning to our mom who was very unresponsive and she
passed away early the following morning on July 17, 2016.
Saturday I will walk the stage in the commencement for my
Master’s Degree from UNT. Up until now, I have held my mom’s words all to
myself. It is just that special something that I wanted to keep just for me.
It’s my story. It’s my mom. It’s my memory. However, as I have waited for this
moment to come into reality, I knew that I’d be following the last words of my
mom, “Now go out there at change the world.” Yes, mom, I intend to do just
that. This one is for you. UNT graduate 2018. I have no regrets. I am filled
with hope. In the words of Nancy Black, “Onward and Upward!”
